‫JENNA (NARRATING): ‫Previously on "Awkward."
‫Friend or foe?
‫-So you need to choose.
‫Him for me.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): So when it ‫came to the boys, if a do over
‫wasn't an option, ‫maybe a start over was.
‫And I finally knew ‫who it would be with.
‫Spin the bottle.
‫It was a requisite ‫rite of passage,
‫and, while I was past my prime ‫to play, it seemed fitting,
‫given all the spiralling I'd ‫done throughout the year.
‫-I'm gonna take a pass.
‫-I knew you'd be out.
‫-You're right.
‫I'm not in to bears.
‫But I will make out ‫with your boyfriend.
‫-Good luck with that.
‫-Pass equals drink.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): In ‫the game, all decisions
‫were left to the bottle.
‫And for one once, the bottle ‫was more fickle than I was.
‫LISSA: You can ‫choose or spin again.
‫Spin again!
‫JENNA (NARRATING): ‫The bottle didn't
‫know what I wanted, but I did.
‫Despite already having ‫made a decision--
‫-Bottle flip!
‫Seven minutes in ‫heaven for you two.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): I ‫was still in the closet.
‫-So, what should we do?
‫-Put on a show.
‫Mm.
‫Yeah, baby.
‫-Oh mm.
‫-You don't have to fake it.
‫I know you're together now.
‫It's cool.
‫-I told him.
‫-I was going to.
‫-Snooze, you lose.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): With Jake ‫getting the answer he needed,
‫Matty was clear to see ‫with the girl he wanted.
‫Me.
‫So I made use of my last three ‫minutes of seven in heaven.
‫-Sophomore summer abroad.
‫We have to go.
‫This year has been ‫craptastic, suck drastic,
‫but if we go to Europe, ‫I can save my summer.
‫-How are we gonna pay for it?
‫-Panties.
‫You can sell your dirty ‫ones to businessmen abroad.
‫How do you think the mafia ‫affords so much sushi?
‫They're a major distributor.
‫-Have you sold ‫your under wonders?
‫-No comment.
‫-I'm not selling ‫my underwear, even
‫if it means I'm stuck here.
‫-You're not stuck if ‫you're about to have
‫a real boyfriend summer.
‫-The other shoe is poised ‫to drop at any moment.
‫Remember.
‫All good things in ‫my life are closely
‫followed by something bad.
‫Dare you forget, Matty ‫and I haven't DTRd.
‫-Ugh.
‫Tell me we're not gonna be ‫obsessing over that again.
‫-Hey.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): ‫Apparently, our bf-gf status
‫didn't need words to define it.
‫-Will my girlfriend ‫give me a bite?
‫JENNA (NARRATING): Or girlfriend ‫would roll off Matty's tongue
‫and on to my salami.
‫-I'm hitting the courts, ‫but I'll see you later?
‫-You have everything.
‫And all I have is ‫a text from my ex.
‫Ricky is sniffing me out.
‫There's trouble in paradise.
‫Once a cheater, ‫always a cheater.
‫-Cheater!
‫He's been texting that troll.
‫-If he cheated, he ‫would have deleted,
‫but he will cheat if ‫you don't confront him.
‫-And let him know I'm snooping?
‫That's really smart.
‫-Thank you.
‫-I think he's avoiding me.
‫I need to shake things up.
‫-No.
‫You need to do ‫what you always do.
‫Put him in his place.
‫-Don't tell me how to do ‫what I do, bird brain.
‫-Exactly.
‫Just like that.
‫[PHONE RINGING]
‫-(DEEP VOICE) Hello, this ‫i-- (REGULAR VOICE) Ricky.
‫Yes, I am answering your phone ‫because you left it in my car.
‫But, since I haven't ‫seen you for two days,
‫I haven't been able to ‫give it back to you.
‫Do you miss me, ‫'cause I miss you?
‫All the time.
‫-Sure, I can give ‫the phone to Rob
‫to give to Marty to ‫give back to you.
‫And then you can ‫call me, beef cake.
‫No.
‫Call me, comma, beef cake.
‫You're the beef cake.
‫I love you, babe.
‫-Why do exes always ‫have to creep back?
‫JENNA (NARRATING): But ‫did all exes creep back?
‫And could they creep ‫back as friends?
‫-Jake and I haven't ‫really talked,
‫and even thought he says he's ‫cool, I don't think he is.
‫-He looks pretty cool to me.
‫-It's a front.
‫None of those skanks ‫are up to par.
‫-So who is?
‫-A girl with substance.
‫Like T.
‫-Ha!
‫He couldn't handle me.
‫I'm a lot of woman.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): And if I ‫wanted Jake to be my friend,
‫I needed to be a ‫woman and man up.
‫-Thanks.
‫See you, guys.
‫Hey.
‫-Hey.
‫Crazy seeing you here.
‫-In the school hallway?
‫-No, I-- I meant on ‫this route to class.
‫-I go this way every day.
‫-Me too.
‫That is so weird.
‫This is weird.
‫Do you feel weird?
‫'Cause I'm acting weird.
‫I just--
‫-Don't.
‫When I said I'd be fine with ‫your decision, I meant it.
‫Might not have been ‫when I wanted, but, hey,
‫it's what I needed.
‫-Really?
‫-Jenna.
‫I've been a serial monogamist ‫since the fifth grade.
‫To be honest, I haven't ‫seen this much action
‫since I was 10.
‫Don't get me wrong.
‫You set the bar ‫really high, and it's
‫gonna be a while until I ‫meet someone like you again.
‫But until then, don't hate ‫the playa, hate the game.
‫Well, ladies.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): ‫For once, the universe
‫was actually working ‫in my favour.
‫Which was not cause ‫for celebration.
‫It was setting off alarms.
‫I was--
‫VALERIA (OVER INTERCOM): ‫Jenna Hamilton,
‫please report to the office.
‫--thankfully, on my ‫way to a problem.
‫-I am really, really ‫disappointed in you.
‫You're being selfish.
‫You need to work out your ‫issues and get back together.
‫-We are back together.
‫-Damn, I'm good!
‫Uh, double up, uh, uh.
‫J. We're having ‫a family meeting.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): Finally.
‫Something bad would happen so ‫I could get on with my day.
‫-Closer.
‫Let's get closer.
‫I asked your folks here to have ‫a little state of the union,
‫and it appears that the ‫union is back in tact.
‫Is that true?
‫-Yes.
‫-Good!
‫Now, I think the only way that ‫you can atone for the hell you
‫put us through is to send Jenna ‫on the Europe trip with me,
‫her sista, slash chaperone.
‫-That sounds fantastic!
‫-But, we can't.
‫Money's a little ‫tight right now.
‫-And whose fault is that?
‫Yet again, dad, you're ‫operating from a selfish place.
‫Can't you just cash out some ‫of your retirement fund?
‫I mean what good is that ‫money when you're old?
‫-I don't need to go.
‫I'm just happy that my ‫parents are back together.
‫-Just amazing.
‫Now, this is what I ‫call selflessness.
‫-How about we think ‫about the trip?
‫-That is acceptable.
‫Meeting adjourned.
‫-Isn't there a problem ‫I need to address?
‫-Nope.
‫Just have a good day.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): ‫That was the problem.
‫I needed a problem ‫to have a good day.
‫-Now everything is perfect.
‫Maybe too perfect.
‫Something bad is ‫bound to happen.
‫-Not possible.
‫-Possible.
‫If you haven't noticed, I'm ‫a walking disaster zone.
‫-This summer is gonna be the ‫best summer of our lives.
‫Just you, me, and Camp Puka.
‫We're gonna get paid, and ‫you're gonna get laid.
‫-Don't get ahead of yourself.
‫-I don't wanna get ahead.
‫I wanna get on top.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): I ‫was being neurotic.
‫The other shoe didn't need to ‫drop for me to get everything
‫I wanted, which involved ‫more of McKibben
‫and less of his clothes.
‫-Surprise!
‫-Ever heard of a knock?
‫-We couldn't wait.
‫We had to tell you that ‫we're sending you to Europe!
‫-Signed, sealed, and paid for.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): ‫So I wasn't neurotic.
‫I was intuitive.
‫The other shoe had ‫definitely dropped,
‫but it wasn't a sweaty converse.
‫It was a sparkly Manolo Blahnik.
‫-Europe.
‫We are gonna have so much fun ‫when we take in the sights,
‫because we are going ‫on an adventure.
‫-We are getting ‫ahead of ourselves.
‫-Why?
‫-Because the we that is me ‫has already committed to camp.
‫-You can get out of it.
‫-I could, but I don't want to.
‫I'm going to be head counsellor.
‫But that doesn't ‫mean you can't go.
‫-I can't go unless you go.
‫-That's not true.
‫It's six weeks.
‫It'll be over ‫before you know it.
‫-It'll be over ‫before you know it?
‫What does that even mean?
‫-Stop being paranoid ‫and get amped!
‫We're going to Europe!
‫-Is that the green light?
‫-The light isn't just ‫green, it's neon.
‫I walked in on my mom making ‫out with her friend Claire.
‫-Your mum's gay?
‫-No, she's a lesbutante.
‫She keeps it strictly ‫above the belt.
‫But it was a TS sitch, so my ‫mom is letting me go on the trip
‫to keep me from ‫telling my grandma.
‫Little does she know, I'm ‫totes equal opportunity.
‫OMG.
‫I have it.
‫Problem solved.
‫-Well, tell me.
‫-With all my mum's ‫guilty tripping,
‫I bet I could swing ‫a euro trash bash.
‫We'll show McKibben ‫just how much
‫he'll be living if he goes with!
‫-I don't wanna manipulate him.
‫-It's not manipulation.
‫It's coercion.
‫Think about it.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): I was ‫stuck with the hiccups.
‫An annoying series ‫of convulsions
‫disrupting the blood flow ‫from my heart to my head.
‫I wanted to go to ‫Europe, and yet I
‫was afraid to go without Matty.
‫So there was only one ‫thing left to consider.
‫-You really want to ‫know what I think?
‫-Yes.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): ‫I knew my mum would
‫tell me what I wanted to hear.
‫Stay with the--
‫-Go to Europe.
‫-Come on.
‫When you were my age, you ‫would've picked Matty.
‫-100%.
‫-I rest my case.
‫-Jenna.
‫I'm not the best role model.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): ‫That was a given.
‫-Back in the day, ‫when I was with Ben,
‫I had so many opportunities to ‫do things that I really wanted
‫to do, but I didn't do them ‫because he didn't want to.
‫-Like what?
‫-Camping.
‫-Mum.
‫You are not a camper.
‫-Who knows?
‫I might be.
‫I do own a battery ‫operated curling iron.
‫And there were so many ‫times that I never
‫got to dance 'cause ‫Ben didn't like to.
‫I just sat on his ‫lap and watched
‫everyone around me having fun.
‫-Is that why you chose dad?
‫For his white man's overbite?
‫-Yes.
‫And someday he will ‫bust it out for me
‫on a dance floor in Europe.
‫But until we get that chance, ‫we really want you to have it.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): Surprisingly, ‫my mum was giving good advice.
‫Which left me with ‫one last resort.
‫Manipulation.
‫-And this is last ‫stop on our tour.
‫(ITALIAN ACCENT) Italy.
‫A country full of ‫pasta and passion.
‫-Does that mean I can ‫eat pizza off your chest?
‫-If you go to Europe.
‫-I'm gonna bump uglies tonight!
‫-Code red.
‫She is wasted.
‫-I better help T.
‫-Meet you in Paris?
‫-How much have you had to drink?
‫-A lot, because tonight, I ‫am breaking all the rules.
‫And my hymen.
‫I'm ready for Freddy ‫to get sweaty.
‫-Head to Amsterdam ‫and get a condom.
‫-Oh.
‫-She needs to sober up.
‫-With a cold shower.
‫I'll take care of it.
‫You just keep hammering Matty.
‫-Actually, I think ‫he's warming up.
‫-Ricky is still ‫being cold, and he's
‫been avoiding me all night.
‫What should I do?
‫-Why are you asking me?
‫You don't want my opinion.
‫-Desperate times call ‫for desperate measures.
‫-Get really drunk ‫so you throw up
‫and he has to hold ‫your hair back.
‫Boys like to feel needed.
‫-Boys like to watch ‫getting [BLEEP], not
‫the blowing of chunks.
‫-Then take your own advice.
‫Make him an offer ‫he can't refuse.
‫-Like what?
‫-God's blink spot.
‫Back door.
‫-Lissa just texted again.
‫I think she wants to hook up.
‫-What'd she say?
‫-Let's look up.
‫I don't know what happened, ‫but all the sudden, I'm you.
‫All these girls ‫want a piece of me.
‫Even Ally James ‫grabbed my johnson.
‫-That's a problem because?
‫-I was peeing!
‫-Crisis averted.
‫Ming's drying off ‫and sobering up.
‫-Good thing she's ‫not going to Europe.
‫I don't want to baby sit. ‫-Are you going?
‫-Totes.
‫I'm signing up on Monday.
‫-Too late.
‫The trip's full.
‫I took the last slot.
‫-[BLEEP] me.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): ‫I suddenly didn't
‫need to convince Matty to go.
‫I needed to convince ‫myself to stay.
‫-What's wrong?
‫-Everything.
‫I need your car keys.
‫Good thing it's ‫new, because it's
‫about to experience ‫a serious break down.
‫-Hey.
‫-This is hello and goodbye.
‫I'm going to a new school.
‫-Why?
‫-My house has been redistricted.
‫-But your house is right across ‫the street from the school.
‫-Exactly.
‫Becca's behind it, ‫and she's not going
‫to stop until she destroys me.
‫She'll never let us be together.
‫And quite frankly, I'm ‫afraid she's gonna hurt you.
‫-I can take care of myself.
‫-That's the thing, Ming.
‫You can't.
‫I'll never forget you.
‫MING: My relationship is over.
‫-Mine never even started.
‫-With who?
‫-Julio, Pierre, Antonio.
‫Take your pick.
‫And now I'm throwing a party ‫for a trip I can't go on,
‫and there isn't even a dude ‫here to beer goggle with.
‫-You're totally overreacting.
‫-Let me wallow in the ‫[BLEEP] show of my life.
‫-While you do that, I'm ‫gonna revenge [BLEEP].
‫With Becca.
‫Two can play her game.
‫-Help me.
‫I need to hide.
‫LISSA: Jake?
‫-Go.
‫I got you covered.
‫LISSA: Jake!
‫Jake?
‫-He's not outside.
‫-But I just saw ‫him run out here.
‫-No, that was Scott Gold.
‫-Scott's black.
‫I get it.
‫Are you and Jake hooking up?
‫-No.
‫-Then out of my way.
‫Jake!
‫Jake?
‫It was you.
‫Weird.
‫-The coast is clear.
‫-Oh, thank god.
‫-That was so sweet, I ‫had to memorialise it.
‫-I'm gonna grab another beer.
‫Lady?
‫Gent?
‫-I was rooting for ‫you to pick him.
‫-I'm worried it's ‫too good to last.
‫-Stop it.
‫-Here's my problem.
‫The parents bought me a ‫spot on the Europe trip,
‫but Matty's not going.
‫We were gonna spend ‫the summer together,
‫and now that plan is shot.
‫-So don't go.
‫-But it's Europe.
‫-Then go.
‫-But what if I miss ‫out on something here?
‫What do I do?
‫-Shake it off.
‫Everything is going your way.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): It was true.
‫And familiar.
‫Where had I heard that before?
‫-Trust your gut.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): ‫My gut was saying
‫I didn't really need ‫to go, but Tamara did.
‫And suddenly, I had ‫the answer to fix
‫two problems with one trip.
‫-I never thought ‫I would say this,
‫but I can't handle all ‫this female attention.
‫-Ugh.
‫Go.
‫Get out of the car.
‫-What?
‫Why?
‫-Because you're complaining ‫about getting too much action
‫while my life is ‫on auto combust.
‫-What happened?
‫-What didn't?
‫This has been the ‫worst year of my life,
‫and now that Europe's ‫off the table,
‫I'm gonna have a ‫sad, lonely summer.
‫-You're crazy.
‫-All right.
‫Now you really can go.
‫-I meant, it's crazy ‫for you to think
‫that you can't ‫turn things around.
‫-But nobody loves me, ‫or likes me, or even
‫wants to drunkenly dry hump me.
‫So tell me, Mr. Know-It-All.
‫How am I gonna ‫turn things around?
‫-Do you feel better?
‫-That's like asking ‫if I talk fast.
‫Of course I feel ‫better, but you don't
‫have to do the post ‫make out fake out.
‫We don't have to small talk.
‫-We should do that ‫again sometime.
‫-OK.
‫How about now?
‫-Yeah.
‫-Jake and Tamara are making out.
‫But you have Matty, ‫so what's the problem?
‫You made your choice.
‫-Right.
‫Right.
‫I'm being ridiculous.
‫-I'm so glad we can do ‫this out in the open.
‫-As opposed to?
‫-Your blog.
‫-Are you--
‫-Not God.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): Clark ‫was my mysterious commenter.
‫-We need to talk.
‫-I made out with Jake.
‫-You made out with Jake.
‫I saw you and I was pissed.
‫-But you said he should be ‫with a girl more like me,
‫and who is more like me than me?
‫And it was totally ‫just a rebound--
‫-And you have a trip.
‫I'm not going.
‫My spot is yours.
‫-Really?
‫-Yes.
‫Now let's celebrate.
‫-Oh my god.
‫-Have you seen Ricky?
‫-He's not in there.
‫-Skitch.
‫Were you hooking up with him?
‫-Not a chance.
‫-Move out of my way.
‫-Sadie, you really ‫don't wanna go in there.
‫-I really don't wanna ‫look at your fugly face.
‫Move.
‫-Fine.
‫Your wish is my command.
‫-Ricky!
‫I'm a bitch, but I am ‫not a heartless bitch.
‫I should have seen the signs.
‫-What signs?
‫Ricky's not gay.
‫He's just a whore.
‫He'd screw anything, including ‫Detective Nibble Kibbles.
‫-Who?
‫-My dog.
‫He investigates everyone's ‫crotch except Ricky's.
‫I think Ricky did ‫something to him.
‫-But I didn't do ‫anything to Ricky.
‫-Neither did Tamara.
‫-No.
‫She didn't.
‫But your dork factor really ‫wasn't doing you any favours.
‫Guys, I'm so so so-- I'm--
‫-She was about to grovel.
‫-And I had my phone ‫waiting to record it.
‫-Well, we tried.
‫-Jenna.
‫Assistance, please.
‫[MUSIC - JJAMZ, "NEVER ENOUGH"]
‫-I'm staying.
‫-Why?
‫-Because.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): ‫I was gonna have
‫the best summer of my life.
‫-I love this song.
‫Let's dance.
‫-Oh, I'm not much of a dancer.
‫Come here.
‫JENNA (NARRATING): I finally ‫got what I really wanted.
‫But I wasn't sure it ‫was what I needed.
‫[MUSIC PLAYING]